Gross

Edmonton is a gross city. This time of year, when snowmelt has left muddy puddles on streets and sidewalks and the dirt and grime from a winter of sanding has caked every building and window with a grey-brown film, is the worst. In Edmonton, spring is grit in your teeth and dust in your nostrils. Lately, I've noticed something else: spit. I don't know if this is a new development brought on by our population boom (the majority of new arrivals in Edmonton are, as I've mentioned before, bums), but you can't take two strides anywhere without stepping in a puddle of gob some cocksucker has deposited on the sidewalk. Today, as I got off the bus I saw a high school girl who was waiting for hers let fly with a big fucking loogie. All class. I'm sure other cities have worse body fluid problems than ours (to say nothing of discarded needles or crack pipes), but come on. We need to get all Singapore up in this piece.

Singapore is beyond anal-retentive. Spitting is banned; first-time violators may be fined $611, while repeat offenders might find their picture published in the newspapers...Littering is also verboten ($611 or community service), as is smoking in public places ($611). The subway stations could pass for hospitals, and even restrooms are ranked by cleanliness; high marks go to Caltex gas stations. Remember to flush or, yes, you may get fined up to $92.

Sounds like heaven to me.