Pop the Glock!

I keep seeing shit about Uffie, some 18-year-old hipster douche twat from Miami who has a really shitty electro-rap song called "Pop the Glock" that is getting the hipster fuckwits who read "Vice" and the Cobrasnake excited ('cause rich white kids reedily rapping about guns and shit is awesome 'cause it's, like, all ironical or something?)

You kids want irony? Here's some irony I'd like to see: Uffie getting shot in the face. With a Glock. Get it? Huh? Get it?

Dear England: I love you guys.

First this.

Then this.

Keep up the good work, you limey bastards.

The last, best SoaP joke.

From the still-funny-more-often-than-not-but-fuck-are-all-those-ads-annoying Onion...

Snakes On A Plane, the highly anticipated Samuel L. Jackson vehicle featuring snakes on a passenger aircraft, is opening today. What do you think?

"Cool. What's it about?"

Existence of benign supreme being revealed

Panic! At The Disco frontman bottled on stage

Friday Fiver

1. I'm From Barcelona-"We're From Barcelona" (Yeah, I know: they look like dinks and p-fork loves them, but, as Furnaceface once said, this will make you happy.)

2. The Beach Boys-"Hang Onto Your Ego"

3. Mates of State-"For The Actor"

4. The Stranglers-"Peaches"

5. White Town-"Your Woman" (Holla 'atcha '97!)

Dear mp3 Bloggers:

We get it. You really like the Mountain Goats. Now fuck off.

I'm tired of all these motherfucking racists on my motherfucking T.V.

Saw a thing on the tube last night about Prussian Blue, the Aryan nations' answer to the Olson Twins. What was most shocking about it wasn't that these 12 year-old girls were singing songs advocating racial genocide and denying the Holocaust, but that their music is so shitty. Come one, white power America! You're being ignorant back woods hillbilly hatemongers doesn't mean you can't have taste. I will say this, though: that fucking Rudolph Hess song has been jingle-jammed into my head all day.

C'est étrange

Whilst crusing ye olde myspace, I ran across the page of a girl I used to know (long story short: we had a thing once, my heart and most other bits weren't in it, so she fucked two of my friends), which in turn led me to her blogger page, which contained a reference to yours truly. Given the tacitly agreed upon state of somewhat hostile indifference that exists between us, I found that strange, yet oddly flattering.

"It's coming right for us!"

Country music "star" an asshole.

Troy Gentry -- one-half of the country twosome Montgomery Gentry, scheduled to perform tonight at Freedom Hall -- has been indicted for allegedly shooting a black bear named Cubby.

Gentry, 39, of Franklin, Tenn., allegedly bought the tame bear for $4,650 from wildlife photographer and hunting guide Lee Greenly, 46. Gentry then "killed it with a bow and arrow in an enclosed pen on Greenly's property in October 2004," reports The Associated Press.

In other news, dog bites man.

Flag flop

I'm not the swiftest horse in the race sometimes, so it's not really surprisng it took me a while to figure out why the flags around town (including at the Leg building) were spending so much tme at half staff. But it seems everytime some poor fucker buys the farm in Afghanistan, the flags go down. Which is mor ethana little strange to me given that the Tories keep telling us that we're at war, and that casualties are to be expected. Well, if we're at war, then why continue to treat every death as some great national tragedy? Canada lost 900 men in one morning in Dieppe. That's war. Sending the flags up and down like a yo-yo show show out of touch we've become. All I'm saying is, let's save these symbolic gestures, no matter how empty, for real national tragedies.

Quasi-racist Friday!

Steve Aoki: I have seen your future.

Today...



The future...



Repent now, cocksucka!

I've decided to retire "douchebag" from my arsenal of invective. It's just become too popular. In its place, I've decided to start using "asshole" a lot more. Say it with me: "asshole!"

It still has punch, don't it?

Dear E-Mail Porn Spam-bot

Regarding hot amateur sluts: who determines who is an amateur slut and who is a professional? Is there a governing body that deals with these things?

Words fail.

No, really.

Fantasy Island

Making fun of right-wing neocon pundits and their tough guy delusions has become something of an internet cottage industry. It's a market I'm not about to jump into, but when you see something like this, you gotta take a swing.

"Mark Steyn is exactly the guy you want on your side in a street fight."

Uh...really?

Chris Hitchens I could see. He's a boozer and British which, along with being completely insane, could be assets in a back alley tussle. But Steyn? I'm sorry, but doughy-faced musical theatre aficionados are not the kind you want at your back in a brawl, no matter how scruffy their appearance or strong their links to organized crime.

In a street fight, the only possible use for Mark Steyn is as a human shield.