Woo-Hoo!

Balls out

Check it.

Yes.

Art imitates life again or something Vol. 2

White House Hosts pitiful lack of self-awareness Annual Easter Egg Roll

After her welcome, the first lady sat in one of the area's designated reading nooks and read "Duck for President," by Doreen Cronin. It's a story of a duck who gets sick of farm chores and decides to run for office - first for head of the farm, then governor and, finally, president. In the end he decides running the country is too much work and goes back to the farm.

And now he's dead: Kurt Vonnegut

I've never read any Vonnegut. A buddy's girlfriend spoke quite enthusiastically about him at a recent dinner party, but I've never felt compelled to check him out. I don't see that changing now that he's dead, but I did find it pretty interesting that he's credited with coining the extremely useful phrase:

“Go take a flying fuck at a rolling doughnut. Go take a flying fuck at the moon.”

So it goes.

Playoffs for some.

So the Habs joined the Oilers on the sidelines for the NHL's second season, which means I can probably spend my springtime learning to like baseball or some such (to that end, I've borrowed a buddy's entire set of Ken Burns' "Baseball" DVDs, but I'm not sure I'll make it. If the first episode I watched was any indicator, it's like an earnest, homey Nuremberg rally. Except, like, about baseball. ). But geography means it's all but impossible to avoid the playoffs, at least until the inevitably anticlimactic Stanley Cup Finals begin, so I'm putting my playoff picks here (as opposed to my other blog: the hockey specific one no one reads, including its proprietors). The twist here is I'm picking the teams I want to win, instead of the one's I think will win. As a result, some series will have no winners.

Western Conference
(1) Detroit vs. (8) Calgary
The enemy of my enemy is my friend. Go Wings.

(2) Anaheim vs. (7) Minnesota
Anaheim has Chris Pronger and is still called the Ducks. The Wild also have a stupid name and have Jacques Lemaire, architect of The Trap, as coach. Bit of a toss up, but Minnesota's rich hockey heritage and kick-ass third jerseys earn them my blessing.

(3) Vancouver vs. (6) Dallas
Some people would tell me that, when your team is out, you should default to whatever Canadian teams are in the hunt. Those people are stupid. Since I began following hockey through the internet, it's become clear that Vancouver fans have a well-deserved reputation for being, for lack of a better word, dinks. Given the number of times the Oilers' play the 'nucks, the idea of those dinks lording a Cup win over the Oiler faithful for God knows how long makes me want to retch. But I hate Dallas too, so fuck 'em both. Make it a hard seven for the victor and a short stay in the second round.

(4) Nashville vs. (5) San Jose
The Predators, despite having a pretty decent team, regularly play in a half-empty building. They are based out of Nashville, the city that churns out an infinite number of vomit-inducing "country" acts. They have a sabre-toothed tiger as their crest for some reason. Go Sharks, I guess.

Eastern Conference
(1) Buffalo vs. (8)NYI
I'd be happy for Smyth if he went on, but this is my one pragmatic pick. The Buffaslug romps.

2) NJ vs. (7) Tampa Bay and (3) Atlanta vs. (6) NYR
I have zero interest in the outcomes of any of these. I might've mustered a 1/16th hearted cheer for the Rangers if they hadn't gone and picked up Sean Avery. My only real request is for the Devils to lose early and badly, but I really don't want to see any of these jokers in the final four. Moving on....

(4) Ottawa vs. (5) Pittsburgh
The marquee match up. Sid the Kid versus the Invisible Alfie. The young up and comers against the perennial chokers. Truthfully, I'd like to see the Pens mellow a bit, like cheese, before they get theirs. An Ottawa win would also drive the Leaf nation around the bend, so we'll go with them. But if the Crosby Kids go deep, I won't be too upset. A Pittsburgh/Buffalo semi would be awesome.

Art imitates life again or something

Back in the day, Denis Leary had a bit on drugs that culminated in this punchline:

I was reading an interview with Keith Richards in a magazine and in the interview Keith Richards intimated that kids should not do drugs. Keith Richards! Says that kids should not do drugs! Keith, we can't do any more drugs because you already fucking did them all, alright! There's none left! We have to wait 'till you die and smoke your ashes! Jesus Christ! Talk about the pot and the fuckin' kettle.

I told you that story to tell you this one:

Keith Richards has acknowledged consuming a raft of illegal substances in his time, but this may top them all. In comments published Tuesday, the 63-year-old Rolling Stones guitarist said he had snorted his father's ashes mixed with cocaine.
"The strangest thing I've tried to snort? My father. I snorted my father," Richards was quoted as saying by British music magazine NME.