So the Oilers will face the (North) Carolina Hurricanes for the Cup. I woud have preferred the Sabres (a long-suffering team from a city that may as well be in Canada), but in the ‘canes we gave an opponnent I can really work up a hate for. First, in both this year and in their previous Cup run (’97?), they ousted my beloved Canadiens to get there. Beating the Habs in the playoffs is a cardinal sin in my book: I spent the formative years of my life cheering against the Oilers (well, you can also blame my family’s knee-jerk contrarianism for that) just becausee they beat Montreal in ’82. Took me almost a decade and the total reversal of the local team’s fortunes to get over that. Second, the ‘canes are from Carolina, which apparently is not one, but two states in the Bible’n’Bush-loving American south, where the favorite sport involves cars driving around real fast. Blame a lifetime of “Coach’s Corner” for that brand of regional hockey chauvanism, but I just can’t get behind a team from a place where the only ice is in the mint juleps and who’s website has a section on hockey basics (“what’s an ‘icing?’”). So yeah, Carolina sucks and I’m not a big fan of their hockey team either.
That’s why I’m offering a large cash prize* for the intrepid Edmonton fan who makes the trek to Carolina for a game and gets a sign on TV. The catch here is hat the sign must read “"Dale Earnhardt sucks Hitler’s cock in hell!”
*large cash prize does not actually exist
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