Dear Lizzy (can I call you Lizzy?),
Listen: I'm sure you're a nice enough old broad (goofy hats and ugly dogs notwithstanding) and I'm sorry your kids are idiots and you have grandkids who dress like Nazis. So don't take it personally when I say it would be pretty awesome if Canada replaced the House of Saxe-Coburg and Gotha, er...Windsor with the House of His Royal Horndog Majesty, Prince Albert of Monaco. First, Monaco is cool. Nice climate, beacasinosasions: the perfect setting for international intrigue. Also, like Canada, nobody really knows or cares that it exists. As for Albert himself , well, his mom was Grace Kelly (who was smoking hot in Rear Window), and unlike Prince Charles, Albert is young, athletic (he competed in the 1988, 1992, 1994, 1998, and 2002 Winter Olympics for Monaco on the freaking bobsled team) and photogenic. Like Charles, Al is something of a horndog, but unlike Charles, Albert has Grade A taste in chicks, having been linked to supermodels Angie Everhart and Claudia Schiffer, as well as Penthouse Pet Victoria Zdrok. Dude's also sired not one, but two illegitimate children, wheras Chuck's kids are just bastards.
Now, I'm not amonarchist by any means, but I figure that if we're stuck with a useless figurehead, it's better that we have a figurehead who, you know, likes to party with hot chicks. And Lizzy, that just isn't you. Sorry. Now, if you want to keep doing the Queen stuff you do now, but without actually being Queen (which I suppose would just make you a batty old lady in a funny hat, but c'est la vie), that's cool. We'll let you a keep a car and maybe a footman or two. Now, don't know what kind of mumbo jumbo is required to make this switch, but if you could hook that up, that would be great.
Your less then loyal subject,
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