4:01 p.m.

One of the crappier parts of my job (other than the unrelenting boredom and overpowering sense of inertia) is when only one of our front office persons shows up and leaves one of us to answer the phones for the last 45 minutes of the day. And, since my office is nearest to the front, I usually draw phone duty. Now, my regular gig is tedious enough without having to field calls from people asking questions that are either completely unrelated to what we do here or are related, but completely beyond my ability to respond to. I usually end up directing all calls to the same branch, which leaves me wondering why we can't just direct all calls there in the first place. Most of the time I just feel like telling hem "Look, I can't answer your question. I went to community college. I am deeply unfulfilled. I am a living, breathing example of superfluous and inefficient bureaucracy. Would you like to leave your name and number so that someone who gives a shit can call you back?"

I must say, though: the one call I answered so far has been the only function I performed today that was even remotely related to my job. 49 seconds of work (including the time it took me to get up from my desk and answer the phone) out of 7.25 paid man hours is not an unusual statistical achievement for me.